About Moi

About Moi
My Name is Brittany, and I'm 23yrs old. I was diagnosed with Lupus when I was 15, and then diagnosed with RA, when I was 18. I also got married when I was 18, and I'm enjoying my happily ever after with my hubby! When I got married, I was slim and trim...But not for long. After getting married, I started to gain a LOT of weight! In 1yr, I gained 50lbs! Finally, I went to the Doctor, where I discovered I have low thyroid. After being put on medicine, my weight gain slowed down, although over the next 3yrs, I gained an additional 26lbs. When I was 20yrs old, I got yet another diagnoses of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. That's 4 diagnoses in a 5yr period, if you lost count. They all effect my weight, in one way or another. Add on top of that, my love affair with food, and every 1 of those 76lbs gained was accounted for. Being 76lbs over weight is unhealthy for anyone, but it was especially unhealthy for me, and my health issues. Since starting this blog, in Jan-2010, I have lost 40lbs! I'm a new, slimmer, and healthier me! Before losing weight, I was told I needed knee replacements. Losing weight was the ONLY tool I had to help me hold off on that life changing surgery. Since losing 40lbs, my knees have never felt better! My husband and I are also trying to start a family, but my PCOS was not going to make it as easy as 1,2,3, as I didn't have periods on my own. My doctor had told me if I wanted a baby, I HAD to lose weight. Since losing 40lbs, I've had regular cycles for the first time in my life! Which is very important when trying to have a baby ;) This journey of mine is more than me simply wanting to wear skinny jeans. It has been a quest to becoming :Deliciously Healthy, so ALL of my dreams can come true! I'm almost half way there! With each new day, I get closer and closer to my goal of 120lbs, and becoming :Deliciously Healthy!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Deadlines and I, Don't get Along!

I knew I was thinking about something that was stressing me out, but I didn't know what it was. I sat down and really thought about what was on my mind. Suddenly, I got a flash of
Moose Creek.
Confused?

Every 5 years we have a family reunion. My Great Grandparent's children, and their families (on my Father's side), meet up and camp out near the ranch my Great Grandparents used to own (Moose Creek). I love going there, and I look forward to it every time!
I'm excited to see all my family (even the ones I don't really know), but I'm really excited to have my immediate family all together in one place (there's 8 of us kids, so it's rare that we're all together at the same time).

So why am I stressed out?
It's another deadline.

If you remember, the last time I had a deadline (my hubbies graduation), I sabotaged myself.

My family saw me at 120, before I got married. The next time they saw me, I was 180. And the last time they saw me in April of 2009, I was over 200 pounds:It felt horrible seeing my family, after gaining so much weight. I felt like instead of being excited to see me, and giving me a hug, they were more like, "Whoa! What. The. Heck. Happened to you?!" And that was totally understandable. I had changed dramatically. But the thought of it, still hurt.

I would of course try to lose weight, every time I was going to see my family. It would start out like this:
"Okay, I have 4 months. I can lose 40 pounds before I see them!"
I wouldn't go on a diet. It would turn into this:
"Okay, now I have 2 months. It's better then nothing. I could lose 20 maybe even 30 pounds before we leave!"
Again, I didn't go on a diet. My goals would get more and more unrealistic:
"Sigh. Alright, I have 1 month before we go. Maybe I can still lose 20 pounds?!"
Still not on a diet. It's time to take drastic measures:
"I have two weeks! I'm going to go on some crazy diet! I'm desperate! Hmm, maybe a cleansing diet! Okay, I'm not going to eat anything for 2 weeks, and I'm only going to drink lemonade!" (There's actually a diet like that!)
That would last for like, 2 hours, and I'd say this:
"I give up. I'm going fat. Hope they still love me!"

Before, every time I went on a diet, it was to meet a deadline.
This time was different. I didn't go on a diet because I was afraid of what people would think of me. I went on a diet because I wanted to be healthy. I went on a diet because I wanted to get pregnant, and have a baby. I went on a diet for me! There was no deadline in sight, and what do you know, I was finally successful! I lost weight, at a slow and steady pace, without a deadline stressing me out.

So when a "deadline" comes up, my old way of think comes out:
"Okay, I have 2 months! I can lose 20 pounds! I have to lose 20 pounds!"
My old way of thinking always led to failure. Therefore, I'm determined to fail. It's what I'm used to. I start to believe whole heartily that I can't do it!

This is the point I sabotage myself.
"I cant do it! I can't do it! I can't do it! Where's a donut?!!"
Can't beat em', join em'.

But this time is different.
I've already lost 35 pounds!
Even if I don't lose any more weight from here, I've already been more successful then I've ever been. I'm the thinnest my family has seen me since I got married! I would have killed to be 35 pounds lighter, the last time I saw my family!
(A pic from my last little photo shoot)
My solution to the deadline thing: Don't make it a deadline!

Continue what I'm doing. No pressure. Don't even think about it. If I only lose 5 pounds between now, and when we leave (2 months), then I will have lost 40 pounds! And that's awesome! Of course I want to lose more then 5 pounds in 2mo, but I'm just saying.
I know I can do this, because I am doing this!

How do you deal with deadlines? Do they help you, or harm you?

***

Yesterday's (although it's going to be like 1am by the time I post this, so it's not quite yesterday;) weigh in results had me at 172, for a 1 pound loss.

I'm frustrated with myself. I was really wanting to see 170 this week.
About half way through the week, was when I subconsciously started sabotaging myself.
Fortunately I took the time to figure it out, and hopefully everything will be better from here!

13 comments:

Corletta said...

Twinkie,
I am very proud of you!!! It sounds like you are not only doing well, you have a great, positive attitude to match. You are exactly right, your family will already see you as a smaller you when that reunion rolls around!! From here on out, it's bonus weight time!!!! Anyways...don't be beatin yourself up about not seeing 170. You may just see 160 something next time.

Jessica - cbgblog said...

First of all... STILL LOVE the pic! (you took that for my photo challenge)

I agree with you completely on deadline issue. I do not give myself 'goals/deadlines' because it stresses me out more than helping me. If I say to myself - by June 1 I need to be XXX weight and I don't make it, I will feel worse than I did when I first set the goal Even if I came within 1 pound of reaching it.

I think you should keep your mentality of 'continue what I'm doing'... it is all you can do! Look at what you have already accomplished... SO MUCH! You will continue to accomplish more. I believe in you sweetie!

Tiff said...

Well you can definitely tell a difference, you look absolutely beautiful :) Keep it up, stay focused, you're doing great!

Meg said...

I tend to lose motivation if I think about weight loss as a deadline, too. Especially if I have several months until a certain trip/occasion, and think I can put it off until later. That's why I try to take weight loss (when I'm working on weight loss, that is) one day at a time. It seems less daunting that way. Also, I have found that I notice my weight gain a whole lot more than friends or family do! I feel like I've put on a lot of weight in my pregnancy, but I keep getting comments from people saying that I don't look like I've gained anything at all. Sometimes, we are definitely our own worst critics, and weight gain can seem a bigger issue in our heads than it actually is to others. You are one beautiful lady, no matter what size you are, and I'm sure your family has always thought that too!! :)

Great job on the weight loss this week!

Simply Kimi♥ said...

Glad to know someone elses period was messed uplike mine is. Gives me hope that it will go back to normal lol

Tammy said...

It depends on what my deadline is for. Something stressful, like seeing family at a reunion (mine is June 19th, by the way)...I'd probably gain, lol. But something fun that I really WANT to do, like the challenge for my beach trip....I lost 15 lbs!!! I guess it just depends on each thing for me.

About your comment on my blog and losing 100 lbs. That's from my very highest point of 340 lbs, back before I started blogging. When I started my blog last June, I was 272 lbs. So I've still only lost the same 40 lbs. that I lost by last October....so basically...I suck. :) I put the TOTAL lost from my highest point up on my sidebar just to make me feel better, lol.

Sean, Jen, Carson and Addie said...

It's interesting to hear what you were thinking we all thought when we saw you last. I can't speak for anyone else, but we thought you were beautiful. We always do. I don't remember thinking at all about your weight. We've all gained some unwanted pounds since we got married. :0)

I'm interested to see how you are going to keep up this healthy eating at the reunion. Now THAT is going to be hard! Sean hasn't seen this blog yet. I'm excited for him to see you and how amazing you look!!

Melissa said...

You look gorgeous!!

I hate deadlines, too. Bleh. You have the right attitude about it! Don't even think about it! Just keep doing what you're doing! :)

Joe and Brittany said...

That's good to hear Jen! I just felt like I saw everyone at 120...and then 200! It was embarrassing for me, and I was so worried that people would be stunned when they saw me.

I've been thinking about eating healthy at the reunion too. I think I'm going to do 50, 50. I'll eat good when I can (like having a turkey burger, instead of hot dogs), but not get worked up about it when I can't. One of the things I tried hard to do on my diet, is to not let it rule my life. If I'm at a b-day party, I'm gonna have me some cake ;D! I don't want to miss out on life, because I'm on a diet! So... I plan on having a few s'mores! ;D

Melting Candy said...

You are doing amazing and you look gorgeous !!! The most important thing is your learning the right way to do this…..and with that you will maintain it. Just think about it for a sec, you may not be at your goal weight at the moment but you will be soon, so then the next time you see your family they are going to be all jealous and stuff (= (okay maybe your family isn’t like mine j/k).
One thing I learned long time ago…. People that mind, don’t matter and people that matter, don’t mind! Keep it up girl, and again you look great!!!!

Deborah said...

The deadline issue is a huge problem for me. I have been having problems in getting back into being healthy...for a couple of weeks I've been reading books and doing a lot of thinking.

I really enjoy reading your blog :)

Andrea @ CanYouStayForDinner.com said...

Brittany, this is such a wonderful post. It's so true- the ways we sabotage ourselves. Those deadlines never ever work. I did it for years when I was overweight. It never helped one bit. It sounds like you've finally found the best balance for you. I loooove your new mentality and the progress you're making. So proud of you!!!

Lisa said...

Such a great post. We are going on a cruise in less than 6 weeks...I remember when it was 16 weeks. Yes...I have those unrealistic conversations in my head too. Thanks for reminding me that it is insanity and NOT productive.

Cute pics by the way :)