About Moi

About Moi
My Name is Brittany, and I'm 23yrs old. I was diagnosed with Lupus when I was 15, and then diagnosed with RA, when I was 18. I also got married when I was 18, and I'm enjoying my happily ever after with my hubby! When I got married, I was slim and trim...But not for long. After getting married, I started to gain a LOT of weight! In 1yr, I gained 50lbs! Finally, I went to the Doctor, where I discovered I have low thyroid. After being put on medicine, my weight gain slowed down, although over the next 3yrs, I gained an additional 26lbs. When I was 20yrs old, I got yet another diagnoses of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome. That's 4 diagnoses in a 5yr period, if you lost count. They all effect my weight, in one way or another. Add on top of that, my love affair with food, and every 1 of those 76lbs gained was accounted for. Being 76lbs over weight is unhealthy for anyone, but it was especially unhealthy for me, and my health issues. Since starting this blog, in Jan-2010, I have lost 40lbs! I'm a new, slimmer, and healthier me! Before losing weight, I was told I needed knee replacements. Losing weight was the ONLY tool I had to help me hold off on that life changing surgery. Since losing 40lbs, my knees have never felt better! My husband and I are also trying to start a family, but my PCOS was not going to make it as easy as 1,2,3, as I didn't have periods on my own. My doctor had told me if I wanted a baby, I HAD to lose weight. Since losing 40lbs, I've had regular cycles for the first time in my life! Which is very important when trying to have a baby ;) This journey of mine is more than me simply wanting to wear skinny jeans. It has been a quest to becoming :Deliciously Healthy, so ALL of my dreams can come true! I'm almost half way there! With each new day, I get closer and closer to my goal of 120lbs, and becoming :Deliciously Healthy!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

What's been on my mind

Yesterday I pretty much spent the whole day in bed, cuddling with Moxie.I was feeling blue, and I just needed to take a time out. I've been in a little funk, and have had a bad week as far as my diet goes. My time in bed wasn't completely unproductive; I was able to figure out what's been bothering me...

I had tried to lose weight many, many times before I was finally successful. There was just never anything that REALLY motivated me enough to get the weight off. That was until I met with a fertility specialist, where she told me if I wanted to get pregnant, I HAD to lose weight.

That did the trick. I didn't want my weight and my love for fast-food to get in the way of any of my dreams, especially my dream of becoming a mother. A fire got lit under my butt, and I finally changed. I came up with my Deliciously Healthy motto and started this blog. I was so excited to lose weight, and be healthy so I could get pregnant. My desire to get pregnant helped me have the will power to turn down pizza, donuts, and everything else. I started having periods on my own, which was so exciting and comforting, as I didn't have them before due to my PCOS. Having regular periods was showing me that I was ovulating regularly, which would make getting pregnant easier. It was all due to my new healthy lifestyle. It was very rewarding, and I was optimistic that I would be a mother in no time. All this excitement made eating healthy a no brainier, and a piece of cake.

At this point, we weren't trying to get pregnant yet. I wanted to wait a few months so that I could actually lose some weight first. The excitement and anticipation of trying to get pregnant in the near future, made me work extra hard at losing weight. In July, we technically started trying, which was 6 months after I started losing weight. And that was when a whole lot of insecurity and doubt subconsciously entered my mind. We would try for 1 month, and then I would come up with some excuse to not try the next month. In the past 6 months of trying to get pregnant, I would say we've only actually tried 3 out of those 6 months. I've realized that I don't believe I'm going to get pregnant. It just seems too good to be true, and surreal. I'm scared to try to get pregnant, because I don't want to be let down. So, I've been stalling. Soon, the baby fever was becoming too much, and I decided that I was done letting fear and doubt get in our way. In the month of December, we were trying to get pregnant. My period started today, which shows me we obviously didn't get pregnant. Once again, I feel like it's just not going to happen. It's too good to be true. "I'm never going to get pregnant." If I believe it's never going to happen, then that takes away my main motivation to eat healthy and lose weight. Hence my lack of motivation these past couple days.

And that's pretty much where I sit today. My motivation is gone, because I have convinced myself that I am never going to get pregnant. Even though we have only tried for 4 months.
(Also note that I'm on my period, so I'm overly emotional about this...)

I haven't given up on my diet in any way. I've just hit a little bump. Also, we have family visiting right now, which isn't helping. My husband always wants to go to every restaurant in town when we have visitors. AND I'm on my period, so I want to eat more then usual. I've been doing my best to at least keep a balance.

It feels good to get that off my chest.
150's here I come!

20 comments:

Alexia @ Dimple Snatcher said...

I don't know much about these things, BUT I do know that lots of woman try for far longer than 4 months before they get pregnant. Especially if they've been on hormones beforehand.
Have faith. If may take longer than you anticipate or it may not be exactly what you were thinking, BUT have faith that you'll be a mom someday. Be well :)))

Josie said...

ok first, take a deep breath...everything will work out the way it is suppose to, believe me. my daughter was a surprise (I actually got pregnant in between BC packs-rare but it happens lol) when I got pregnant with my daughter i was at my thinest and VERY unhealthy. I had an eating disorder that almost comsumed my life. She changed EVERYTHING. My whole outlook on life and food changed, I was 20 yrs. old. I went back on birth control till she was 2 1/2 and my hubby and I decided we wanted to try for another baby, unfortunely it ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I was heart broken and confused, my eating went to crap and I gave up. Then I realized it will all work out the way it is suppose too, I tried to stop stressing about it and let my body do what nature intended for it to do. i became hopeful again. My little man will be 1 yr. old on Friday : )

keep doing what you're doing and your body will do what it's suppose to do, you're going to be a wonderfull (and healthy!) mommy one day : )

Melissa said...

Girl, you will sooo have that baby. :) It is the desire of your heart & i believe that it will happen! Keep telling yourself "i am going to be a mom", "i am going to get pregnant & give birth to a healthy baby!" Just keep SAYING IT, OUT LOUD & you will start to believe it. I know it sounds silly but i am serious! I will be praying for you!! You have accomplished so much already!

HUGS!

Taylor said...

Oh my goodness Brittany! You basically just told my story. I have PCOS also and my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since about September. We finally went to see a fertility specialist right before Christmas and got some hope. They are helping me lose weight to regulate my periods and also putting me on ovulvating drugs (called letrozol)and booster shots. This month is our first go round and are in the middle of the "waiting to see if it worked" phase. I so know how you feel and the pain and doubt that you feel. I have spent years convincing myself that I wont be able to get pregnant and still, even with all the amazing "help" that we have been lucky enough to get, feel very doubtful. I just have to believe that everything happens just when it is suppose to, not when I want it to. But, most days, it is so hard to convince myself of that.

Keep your head up.

Taylor
http://imperfectlyimpeccable.blogspot.com/

Hally Bell said...

Brittany- I always feel like a fish out of water when it comes to comforting friends about baby related things- but I'd like to extend my ear if you ever need it, for real.

I don't know the heartache of wanting children to be honest, but I do know you're going to be one smokin hot mom when you do have a baby.

Sounds like someone needs a 'baby-moon'. Can I get an Amen?

Renee @ MyKitchenAdventures said...

awe...you have to find it in yourself to believe IT WILL happen. Don't know too much about PCOS, but I am a former L&D nurse...so I do have some background to back up my opinions. You are correct, you have not really and truly given it a chance to happen...

As far as the weight loss...yes, using it as the main motivation to get pregnant good, but you need to move away from that now and do it because you NEED to be the best and most healthy you, you can be, for yourself and your family. And that means for life...

Take care!

Alissa (A Journey to Thin) said...

*HUGS* Keep the faith. It will happen.

Jessica said...

*Hugs to you*

Carina said...

I don't know much about the subject, but I think 4 months at your age is nothing! It will happen when the time is right, have faith and keep doing all the right things. And have fun with the "trying" part!!

Hannah said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not sure if this will motivate you or maybe even just make you feel better but my cousin has PCOS. Her and her husband tried for just over a year and half before they got pregnant. It takes time but I can tell you that it is possible. I'm sure you feel down now and I can't blame you for that. But keep moving forward and try not to let the fear take over.

Becky (Fit Girl Personal Training) said...

Hi there! From one "fertility challenged" gal to another I just want to say: keep your head up and stay positive!! I know every period totally sucks, but you've got to keep telling yourself that you'll get there eventually!!

Jenn @ watchmybuttshrinking.com said...

Although I don't know exactly what it's like with the baby trying, I do know what it's like to psyche yourself out by wanting something so bad. You're a strong woman, though, and you'll work through all those feelings, and get back on that baby-making horse soon enough! :-)

Kat said...

Lady, you are going to be the most wonderful mother to the most darling children someday. Just keep your head up and don't shy away from wanting the best for yourself.

You deserve your dreams.

Becky said...

I went through fertility trouble too. Have faith and pray often. Your Heavenly Father and Savior can give you the peace you need to get through this. I took mega doses of clomid for 9 months with my second son before I got pregnant. The 1st, 3rd, and 4th took anywhere from 4 months -6 months on the meds to get pregnant. My little miracle #5 came on her own 2 1/2 years after of not preventing pregnancy. It takes time to get pregnant but they are worth it!!! (We had a family fast before I finally got pregnant with #1. It takes a lot of faith and a couple months after the fast we did get pregnant. We had been trying for 2 years prior to that.)

Ashley said...

I have the same fears as you. We haven't started trying yet, but I'm SO scared that we're never going to have a baby, that I'll never experience pregnancy. I'm just trying to keep praying and keep getting healthy. Whether I can get pregnant or not, I WILL be a mommy some day! I need to be healthy for my kids, biological or not.

NAN said...

Hugs- and I am betting you will get pregnant! If you have good medical insurance now might be the time to visit a good gyn and then an infertility specialist- I know a few people with PCOS who took metformmin and were pregnant fairly quickly. DD has a good friend with PCOS who got pregnant with IVF (she was in her 30s) and then went on to have 2 other kids with no interventions! As fro company, it's hard to eat salads when they are eating tempting food, but it can be done. I was thinking you should start making some bread/rolls- it's fun to use yeast and you can freeze leftovers too- and take out your frustrations kneading the dough! Keep your motivation! You can do it.

pleasantlyhealthy said...

We always have to have hope. And that's the truth. I'm sorry, it is EASY to lose motivation. You've done a GREAT job seeing the issues and I think it is PERFECTLY acceptable to lie around in bed and schnuggle! -L.

Jolene - EverydayFoodie said...

I just want you to know how gorgeous you are :-)

It will happen for you - don't stress girl. It will happen.

Kim said...

I agree with others..you are totally gorgeous!

All good things come to those who wait (and trust me, my husband and I have been waiting for eight years...I am not giving up hope yet--and hope that you won't either!).

You look amazing!!!! You will get through this speed bump...no worries!!! (And think of all of the fun to be had while trying!!!
;))

Bella said...

I can SO relate to what you're going through. Not exactly the same outcome (getting pregnant), but wanting/needing to lose weight to get to the true/next goal. It's so frustrating because we want to get to the goal more than anything, but sometimes it seems farther away than when we first started on the weight loss quest.

But you're not giving up, and that's important. It's actually why I know that you're going to be successful. You keep adapting and adjusting to do what's best for your body to keep yourself as healthy as possible.

Good luck, although I know you won't need it.