One step

Hello there!
I am so sorry for being MIA lately. As you can guess, I've been struggling. In more ways then just my diet. Usually when I'm struggling, my blog really helps me to journal all of my thoughts, and gets me through a rough patch. But other times, it can be really hard to put myself out there. Kinda like standing outside naked. Completely exposed. In those cases, I hide.

I've had so many things on my mind these past couple weeks:

~Fertility. Once again wondering if we are ever going to get pregnant, and be the parents we so badly want to be.

~Knee replacements. My knees have been killing me lately. I have to concentrate when I walk, to try and not "step" wrong. Cause if I do, I can barely walk for the rest of the day. This has been most frustrating when I'm trying to lose weight. "How am I going to lose this weight, when I can't even walk around the block on somedays?!" I've been considering getting knee replacements now. It's such a hard decision that weighs heavily on me.

~Putting our dog Kisses down. She's old, and doesn't move around much. She needs surgery again, but she's gotten to the age where it doesn't make sense to put thousands of dollars into her. We've decided it would be best to put her down. But I love her, and I don't want to.

~And of course, losing weight. Having so many things on my mind has not made it easy to start my diet back up. Especially a diet that is as strict as this. Food is my comfort, and my happy place. I was doing so well, and I'm so mad at myself for sliding off track. To get rid of that anger, I turn to mac and cheese. The official "don't worry, be happy" food. The problem with the 17 day diet (for me anyway), is that if you slide off track for a few days, it's really hard to get back on it. It's so restrictive (at least in the 1st cycle), and after a couple days of eating yummy comfort food, you don't want to go back to salads. Like, you seriously throw a tantrum like a 3 year old on the way to the dentist.

(Amongst all that, TOM is here (for the first time in a while), so I'm overly emotional, bloated, and hungry.)

Today I've realized that you simply need to take the first step. And then another, and another. But it all starts with the first. It's the hardest step to take. For me, I usually decide if I'm going to be on a diet that day, before I eat breakfast. "Do I make eggs, and get back on my diet, or do I have cookie crisps?" Lately, I've been choosing the cookie crisps, and the day is set for unhealthy eating. But today, I took my first step in a healthy direction. I already feel better. The day is set for healthy eating. Now I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I'm going to do the 1st cycle of the 17 day diet for 1 week, to get my butt back into gear. Then onto the 2nd cycle! And I PROMISE to blog everyday, while on the 17 day diet :D