I went to the doctors a couple days ago, to get my remicade infusion.
I was dreading stepping onto the scale, even more then I was dreading getting hooked up to the IV for 3 hours. For some reason I always suck it in when I step on the scale at the doctors... like that's going to help.
Before I left for vaca, I weighed in at 196, which put me at 5 pounds down since August. When we returned, I weighed in at 197.8. I figured gaining 1.8 pounds wasn't too shabby for being on a week long vacation.
After that little weigh in, I didn't step on the scale for a while, as I knew I wasn't doing so good with my post vacation diet.
As I stepped onto the scale at the doctors, my first reaction was to look down, so I didn't have to see where I was at with my weight. But then I heard a voice in my head yelling at me to look. I realized right then, what I needed to do. Frankly- I needed to get my crap together, and stop being in denial. I needed to be accountable. I needed to get out of la la land, and face this reality check head on. With an annoyed sigh, I looked up and saw 202. And then I gave a nervous chuckle. The nurse thinks I'm weird.
Sure, I was mad at myself for a brief moment, but it was actually a really good experience for me. This is my journey, and I'm finally becoming grateful for the ups, and the downs along the way.
They make me who I am. They make me stronger, and wiser. My struggles are shaping me into the person I want to become. And that makes me grateful for them. I may have made mistakes yesterday, or have yet to make mistakes tomorrow, but if I let them, those mistakes can help me get to my goal just as much as a salad can. I'd rather let seeing 202lbs on the scale light a fire in me, versus beat myself up about it for the next week. Regret doesn't make you lose weight any more then a cupcake does.
I've realized that I need more accountability, so I'm bringing back the weigh-ins! They will be every Friday. My goal is to be back in the 100's by my next weigh-in.
I'm on my way.
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4 comments:
Welcome to the world of Remicade infusions! I'm due for my next one in a few weeks :)
A remicade buddy! I've been getting them for about 4 years now... I definitley have a love/hate relationship with the stuff ;)
you are looking GREAT.. you got to me.. I'm off to the gym now ;)
Yep, sometimes it takes seeing the number on the scale to snap you back into reality.
The best part is that YOU are in charge, not the scale, and its up to you to make it move in the right direction.
Have a great weekend!
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