My Christmas Gift

Every year, on Christmas morning, my husband and I take pictures of each other tearing open our gifts. He insists on taking a picture of each and every Christmas present. When the presents have been opened, and all the "Oohs" and "Ahhs" have been said, I sit on the couch, and review all the pictures. And that is when I ruin my Christmas. One picture after another, I see a fat roll I didn't know I had, or a double chin I didn't realize was so big.
(Here I am on Christmas morning in 2008, trying on a jacket my husband got for me that didn't fit. Even though it was an extra large.)The rest of Christmas day would be spent with tears in my eyes. I'd be filled with regret, disgust, and hopelessness. Every year I would make a promise to myself, that next years Christmas morning photos would be double chin and fat roll free. And with that, I would never look at that years Christmas pictures again. I would pretend they never existed. I would pretend that the whole Christmas morning, at 200+ pounds never existed. I would simply look forward to next year. But guess what? Next year would be exactly the same.

Except for this year....

I spent most of my Christmas Eve this year, worrying about the Christmas morning pictures that would be taken. I had absolutely convinced myself that I was 206 pounds again. I had convinced myself that each and every picture would be included with fat rolls and double chins. On Christmas Eve, I tried bracing myself for the pain that I would feel, when I sat down in the morning to review the pictures. Christmas morning came, we went down stairs, tore into our gifts...and out comes the camera. And of course, my husband insisted on taking a picture of each and every present like he does every year. Afterwords, I sat on the couch as usual, to review the pictures. I braced myself to see something horrible. Instead, I saw something absolutely wonderful. I might even say, Beautiful.No double chins.

This was the first Christmas in 5 years, that I didn't cry when I saw our pictures. This is the fist year that I didn't spend the rest of the day in a depressed funk because of my weight. Instead, I spent the day feeling blessed and grateful for all the blessing I have in my life. I spent the day thinking about how far I've come, and how proud I was of myself. This year I didn't erase a single picture of myself. I didn't try and erase the entire Christmas morning from my mind. Instead, I played it over and over again.

I have lost 45 pounds this year.
That is one totally awesome gift!