I've written this post at least 100 times in my head. I've even made a few vlogs (video blogs;), but blog shyness, and the devastation of hearing how annoying my voice sounds, prevented me from posting them.
As nasaley as I think it may sound, the important part is, I have found my voice again. It was lost for a while there. My goodness am I glad to have it back.
I could probably write a book on what's been going on with me, and my weight loss journey over the last 6+ months. But for the sake of hand cramping, and the fact that it's almost midnight, I will give you the short version:
Last year I hit a bump in my weight loss journey. I think I had just lost the passion I once had about losing weight. I had gone from 206 pounds, to 161, and I got comfortable. Instead of giving 100%, it was more like 50/50. If you're only going to give 50%, you're either going to maintain your weight, or slowly gain it back... it's really not rocket science. I know that now, but back then it completely frustrated me when I would step on the scale each week, and see that I had only lost ounces, or I had gained a little back. "Hello! I ate like, two salads this week! I should have at least lost a pound!". Not when your salad is followed by a cupcake, Brittany. It doesn't work like that. My frustration caused me to eat Junk, which caused me to slowly go the opposite direction on the scale. Soon, I had gained 29 pounds back.
I don't regret the 29 pounds I had gained back. I regret what I did next: I went on a diet. Which went against everything I believed in.
I was finally able to be successful at losing weight a couple years ago, when I realized and accepted that diets don't work. For me anyway. I finally kicked every diet I had gone on from the age of 8, to the curb, and focused on changing my life around. That was when I started this blog, and adopted my :Deliciously Healthy way of losing weight: To eat food that I loved (like mac-n-cheese;), but learning how to make it healthier, lower in calories, and enjoy everything in moderation. I didn't have to break up with food entirely, as most diets ask you to do. I simply developed a healthy relationship with food. It not only worked (losing 45 pounds), but I found freedom.
When I hit my bump in the road, and gained 29lbs back, I steered away from that philosophy, and put myself on a restrictive diet. I felt this huge sense of anxiousness, and frustration at myself for the weight I had gained, and the time I had wasted. I felt like I needed a quick fix. Losing 5lbs a week, instead of 2, was the only way I could forgive myself for allowing myself to get to where I was. The only problem with that is, diets don't work. Every day I would wake up on the 17D diet, and everyday I would crash; but not without promising myself that I would try again tomorrow. I had 6 months of crashing, causing me only to gain weight. The more I couldn't do the diet, the more I felt I needed it. It was a very confusing time.
Luckily, a few things happened that helped me to snap out of it, and go back to losing weight the :Deliciously Healthy way:
- We moved. Sometimes changing your surroundings really does help to start a new.
- I talked to my husband, and he helped give me the courage to break up with the 17D diet, and go back to focusing on living a healthy life.
- My husband through me a surprise birthday party, and all of my family came out. It was such a support having everyone come out, especially after my Brother Casey's accident last year on my birthday. Spending time with my family, and feeling so much support and love, really took a weight off of my shoulders, that I had been carrying around for a year. It was just what I needed, and I'm so grateful to everyone.
Since kicking the diet to the curb, and going back to a healthy lifestyle, I have lost 5 pounds. I am happy, and I feel fantastic! I am well on my way to my goal of 140lbs.
Thank you so much for all of your emails over the past few months! They played a huge role in helping me get my crap back together :)
Man am I excited for what's ahead!
I hope you'll be along for the ride,