My 29 pound reality check- Starting over

Last March I decided that weighing myself was doing more harm then good. Only losing 1 pound (or less) a week, sent me straight to a carton of ice cream. I had decided that I simply needed to live my healthy lifestyle, and not obsess about how slow the scale was moving. Stepping off the scale really worked. For a while. It worked when I was staying on track. I knew I was losing weight, but I was protecting myself from getting discouraged about how long it was taking. However, it didn't work when I was eating donuts and ice cream. At that point it turned into a way for me to be in denial that the junk I was eating was making me fat. That denial is exactly what's been going on for the past couple months.

Last week, I had a doctors appointment. I normally look away when they're weighing me, but I decided it was time to get out of denial, and get back in touch with reality.

In the back of my mind, I figured I had probably gained 10, maybe even 20 pounds. But what I saw on the scale that day at the doctors office, was that I had gained 29 pounds. I am now 190. The lowest I had gotten down to on this weight loss journey was 161.

For the past week I've been trying to decide where to go from here.

Here's how I see it:
I can either cry about it. Curl up into a ball and eat a cheeseburger, and be back up to 206+ pounds in no time. Or, I can pick myself up, and get back on the horse. I can stop thinking about yesterdays mistakes, and focus on the future... The future where I only have one chin, and no muffin top.

I choose the latter of the two. In the grand scheme of things, it's just 29 pounds. It's not like I went and gained all my weight back. Or more. I'm making a promise to myself that I will never see 206 on the scale ever again. And I am taking the appropriate steps to keeping that promise. Even though it would be easier to just throw in the towel, and fully embrace my old eating habits.

To help whip my butt back into shape, I'm doing something a little different. I'm going on
The 17 Day Diet. I've heard lots of success stories on other weight loss blogs, and I'm really excited to try it. It's 3 cycles of 17 days (51 days total), and then I will be back to my :Deliciously Healthy way of losing weight from there.

Tomorrow is day 1. I'm going to blog each and every day, while on the 17 day diet. This blog helped me to lose weight in the beginning. I've always said that I wouldn't have been able to lose the weight I had lost without my blog, and my readers. The support and accountability that comes from my blog, are more valuable to me then any weight loss plan, magic pill, or infomercial selling some exercise thingy-ma-bob. When I stopped doing weekly weigh-ins, I lost some of that accountability. So, I'm bring them back! Tuesdays are my weigh in days.

This is my "starting" picture.
190lbs:
Tomorrow is day 1 of getting my sexy back. I kinda can't wait :)

Love is my new fuel.

I came across this story on facebook:

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption read: "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way: "Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness. They entertain like crazy with dolphins, and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia. They sing incredibly well, and sometimes are even on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defends and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because they suffer from split personality: woman or fish? They would have no sex life and could not bear children. Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad. Besides, what man wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale. At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, so it spreads all over our bodies. We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated. Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

I love this. Being skinny doesn't equate to being beautiful; and being overweight absolutely does not equate to being ugly.

Even though I didn't know it, I was beautiful at 206 pounds (my husband even told me so).

I keep telling myself that I will be beautiful when I am at my goal weight, of 120 pounds. I've subconsciously told myself that until then, I do not deserve beauty. Nor do I deserve to love myself. I have to tell myself every. single. day. that I hate the way I look. I tell myself that I have to loath what I've done to my body, and that I'm not good enough at the weight I am. I use hating myself to motivate me to get to 120 pounds.

No wonder why it has been a struggle to get there.I cannot look after something that I hate.
And using hate to fuel my motivation to lose weight, makes no sense at all.

From now, through to the finish line, and beyond, I am going to love every stretch mark, and every fat dimple. I am going to love every single pound that shows up on that scale. All of these things made me wiser. They have made me who I am. They are apart of ME. I am going to love myself so freakin' much, that I want to take care of this beautiful body I have been given.

Love is my new fuel.

Life is back to normal :)

I never knew how much I appreciated "normal".

We had Casey's funeral on August 5th, in California.
(Me with all my siblings and my Dad)It was therapeutic to see family, and to have closure to this tragedy.

On the way up from California, we spent a couple days at the Belagio in Las Vegas, to celebrate our anniversary (a little early).When we got back home, we visited with my Brother-in-Law, who was in town...
Then we celebrated our actual anniversary...And then we spent the week with my nephew, Caleb, who came up to visit after his father's funeral.
Busy. Busy. Busy.

This past week I've finally felt like life has slowly returned to normal.
I've cooked, and cleaned, and simply laid in bed and watched TV. Because I could.

During the past (crazy) month, I took a vaca from my diet. It was kinda annoying to me that amidst all the craziness of finding my brother, and making funeral arrangements, I was still obsessed with calories, and losing weight. I mean, seriously? I had just lost my brother, and the majority of my thoughts were still on, "I wonder how many calories are really in that donut?" I just wanted to take a break from it all. There is more to life then just calories and pant sizes.

And when I say vaca, I mean like no healthy thoughts entered my mind. I wasn't even trying to have the "balance" that I believe so strongly in.

Since Monday, I have been slowly trying to work in things like fruits and veggies...and things of the non-fried variety. Oh and water. Hello water! My body seriously did miss you. I still need to get my chunky butt back to the gym, and I am still horrified to step on the scale. I'm guessing I gained a good 10 pounds during my month long vaca.

It is good to be back to my :Deliciously Healthy life, and to bloggin' all about it.

THANK YOU for all of your support!
I heart you more then chocolate.

Fertility update, and being happy with me :)

In THIS post, I talked about my battle with trying to lose weight, while trying to get pregnant. In THIS post I talked about my solution to the problem. I had decided to finish up my Clomid, which would go through to the end of July. If I wasn't pregnant by July, we would take 3 months off so I could lose weight, and so we could save money for future fertility treatments.

But... My Clomid hasn't worked for the past two months. Meaning it didn't get me to ovulate. In the 4 months that I have been on Clomid, it's actually only worked once.

So... there's a new plan:
My doctor is upping my Clomid dosage, and is going to do regular ultra sounds to see what my ovaries are up to, while on the clomid. I've decided to give the Clomid one more fighting chance. I'm crossing my fingers that the clomid will work 3 months in a row, and that I will get pregnant one of those 3 months. If the clomid doesn't work in those 3 months, we will go right into the next step.

There's no longer a battle going on in my head.
My focus is on becoming a mother. If I had to choose between losing more weight, or starting our family, I would choose my family. Why the sudden change of heart? Somewhere in the past couple weeks,
I became happy with myself.
I've become filled with gratitude for losing 45 pounds, and not being 206 pounds anymore.

Before:After: Why was that huge accomplishment not enough for me? I don't know. All I know is, I want to be a mother, and so far, I've lost 45 pounds to help make that happen.

I will of course continue with my :Deliciously Healthy lifestyle, and keep trying to lose weight until I get pregnant. And when I do become pregnant, I will have one :Deliciously Healthy pregnancy.

Thanks for listening to all of my fertility talk :)

Life happens

Lately, it seems like there's always something going on. Always some excuse as to why I can go off my diet "just for this one day." Whether it's a BBQ coming up, or a Birthday party, I find a reason to give myself a free pass to indulge, just this once. There are days when I'm not feeling well, or when I have a million things to do, so I tell myself I can take advantage of the convenience of fast-food... "just this once".

Today, we got the inside of our house painted.
This is the craziness that was my house today:I felt that I had a legitimate excuse to go off my diet "just for this one day", since I couldn't really use my kitchen. Half way through my burger and milk shake, commonsense hit me straight over the head...

Life happens. There's rarely ever going to be a perfect day for your healthy habits and routines. I'm always going to have busy days, sick days, parties to attend, vacations, visitors, and houses being painted. But I can't use these as an excuse to go off my diet "just for today". I have to learn to adapt. How to stay focused and to adjust to the curve balls life throws at you. I have to be aware of when I'm using an excuse as a crutch. Otherwise, I'm never going to get to where I'm going.

And that is what I learned today, while eating a cheeseburger.

I heart you, and my decision.

First up, THANK YOU!
Thank you for all your comments and emails. Your advice and opinions helped me to see things more clearly... both ways I'll admit, but it still helped :) It also helps to know that I am not in this alone. There are lots of women with the same battle going on in their head.

Your comments helped me to see that I'm not obese. I've lost 45 pounds, and that is something to be proud of. if I get pregnant tomorrow, it's not the end of the world, as far as my weight goes. At least I won't be getting pregnant at 206 pounds, and that in itself is an accomplishment. You reminded me that I can have a healthy pregnancy, and I don't have to gain 40 pounds, which would definitely help. And like you said, I will never regret having a baby, but I might regret waiting. I hate that my weight has gotten in the way of us being parents. I just want to stop obsessing about my weight, and get on with living our dreams together.

On the other hand, you helped me to see that I am only 23 years old (almost 24). Even if I put it off for a year, I would still be about 25 when I (hopefully) become pregnant. That's pretty young. But I don't feel young. I feel like I'm trapped inside of an 80 year old body, due to my health issues. I've also been married for almost 6 years. We are ready to have a baby. It's all my husband talks about. I hate the fact that he would have to wait even longer to be a daddy, because I couldn't find a way to put down the cheesecake. But hey, I'm sure he would be entertained during the wait, as he watched me shrink back down to the 120 pound girl he married. My weight is a battle I have not officially won, and it's annoying. I just want to get to my goal weight, and finally win this battle. I want to have a healthy pregnancy, and actually look cute while pregnant.

It's still a hard decision, and I still want both. Go figure.

But I think I've come to a compromise:

My fertility doctor said we would try clomid for 3 cycles (3 months), and then move onto more drastic (and expensive) procedures. July will be the 3rd cycle. I've decided that I want to finish what I've started with the clomid. I've already taken the clomid to have a cycle this month. So if it doesn't work this month, I would only take it one more time, for the month of July. If I'm not pregnant by the time I finish the clomid, then we will take 3 months off trying to get pregnant. This will give us time to both save money for the more expensive procedures that we would start in November, and also give me 3 months to lose 20-30 pounds. Because I will be kicking some serious weight loss butt during that time. I'm going to keep with my diet while finishing up the clomid. I haven't weighed myself, but last I checked I was 165, so I'm assuming I'm 160. If I didn't get pregnant with the clomid by the end of July, then I would be hopefully starting the month of August at 155 pounds. I'm hoping that between August and November I can get down to 125-135 pounds.

I would be happy with either outcome. If I get pregnant between now and July, then at least I'm not getting pregnant at 206 pounds. I've always been so worried that I would never be able to get pregnant, that I'm sure seeing a positive pregnancy test will wash away all my concerns about getting pregnant at the weight that I am. And if we don't, then I have three months to get down to a healthier weight, which could even help us have better luck getting pregnant in November.

I feel at peace with our decision. I will be a mother, and get to my goal weight. I can't snap my fingers and have them both at the same time, but I know that I will have them both, eventually. I just know it.

The battle

It's been almost 3 weeks since I last posted.
I honestly have no idea what the heck happened to the time. At one point, I thought it had been a week since I last posted, but when I looked at my blog, I realized it had been two! Then I spent this past week with writers block. And here I still sit with it. So I'm going to push through it, and just type.

Do you know what goes through my mind as soon as my eyes open in the morning? My diet. My weight. Fertility, and trying to get pregnant while also trying to lose weight. It's also what's going through my mind as I fall asleep at night. Come to think of it, I'm constantly thinking about it. I am so sick of it! I'm tired of thinking about it.

I hate that it's easy one day, and seemingly impossible the next day. I hate that I couldn't have just stayed skinny after I got married. I hate my stretch marks, and what I've done to my body. I hate that it's been 1 1/2 years, and I've only lost 45 pounds in that time. I hate that I waisted half of that 1 1/2 years not being fully committed. I could have made it to my goal weight during that time, if I had really given it all I had, 100% of the time; and I hate that. I hate trying to lose weight, while trying to get pregnant. One half of me wants to roll my sleeves up, and kick some serious weight loss butt. I want to give it all I've got, and lose my last 40 pounds in 6 months. That half of me is secretly hoping I don't get pregnant that month, so I can lose more weight. The other half of me wants to get pregnant. This month. I want to be a mother, and I'm tired of waiting. The two halves totally contradict each other, and sabotage one another. When I'm thinking about my weight loss, the thought actually crosses my mind to put trying to get pregnant aside for 6 months, so I can lose the rest of my weight. But when I'm favoring the baby side, all I can think about is how excited I am to be a mother, and I absolutely hate myself for ever thinking about putting getting pregnant on hold. I hate this fertility/weight loss battle that is constantly going on in my head.

So that's what's going on with me. I'm trying to figure out which I want more: Getting to my goal weight, or getting pregnant. I want them both...

Free

It's been a while since I stepped onto the scale.

I was never the kind of person who would step on the scale multiple times a day. When I first started on this weight loss journey, I would only weigh myself once a week. Then that became twice a week, and eventually, I weighed myself every morning. Soon, the scale and I developed a bad relationship. It was so discouraging to see that all my hard work, was only giving me a 1 pound loss each week. Doubt would set in as soon as I stepped on the scale, and last with me until I fell asleep that night. It's always been my goal to be 150 pounds when we get pregnant. Every morning I stepped on the scale, that goal seemed so far out of reach. I would spend the entire day subconsciously trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and what I was doing wrong. I would try to figure out what I could do to get to 150lbs before we got pregnant, and always getting discouraged when the weight didn't come off quickly enough for me to get to my goal. That discouragement would always lead me into a day or two of bad eating, which of course resulted in me gaining back the pound I had lost. Then I finally realized that 1 pound a week is great. It is a heck of a lot better then zero! So, I ditched the scale.

I am starting to realize what a huge burden it was on me, to obsess about the scale everyday. I suddenly feel freer. Happier. Since I'm not spending as much energy thinking about the scale, my weight, and how slow it's coming off, I suddenly have more energy to go to the gym. To go grocery shopping, to cook, to clean... to live life. I simply feel good about myself when I eat deliciously healthy, and stay on track. It's nice to not step on the scale, and have it take those good feelings away from me. I am living a healthy life for me. Not the scale. I choose to eat healthy, workout, take my vitamins, and drink lots of water, because I love myself, and I want to be healthy. Not because I am trying to lose X amount of weight each week.

It feels like a breath of fresh air, and it makes me happy.
P.S. At my doctor appointment this past Wednesday, my doctor looked at my chart, and said "Oh, you've lost weight since your last appointment!" Luckily she didn't say how much, because I don't know how that would have affected me. But at least I know that it's working, and that I can be successful without the scale.

Living without the scale, and an NSV

For the past week and a half, I haven't been weighing myself.

My weight loss has been slow. slash non-existent. slash very frustrating over the past 6 months.
Yes, 6 whole months.

After losing 40 pounds, my weight loss went form a nice steady walk, where I would lose 2 pounds a week, to a painfully slow crawl, where I would only lose .5 to maybe 1 pound a week. I tried cutting down on my sugar intake, which didn't seem to help. Then I started the low glycemic index diet and ate cleaner, but that still didn't help the scale move any faster.

A vicious cycle followed:
I would do great on my diet for 3-4 days, step on the scale and see that I had only lost 1 pound after 4 days of perfect eating. Then I would get frustrated, and eat poorly for the next 2 days. I would of course gain a pound from my recent eating tantrum... so I would go back on my diet, do great for 3-4 days, lose only one pound, get frustrated, eat, gain back a pound, and so on and so forth. 1 step forward, 1 step back. 1 step forward, one step back. This went on for way too many months, which is why I am still 165 pounds. This was all caused by my frustration with the scale moving slowly. That frustration would cause me to go on and off my diet, losing a pound, and gaining it back, for the past 6 months. Where as if I had just come to terms with my new (slow) pace of weight loss, at losing .5 to 1 pound a week, I would have lost 12-24 pounds by now. That is a heck of a lot better then 0.

My solution: Stop weighing myself.

There are so many reasons why I need to live this healthy lifestyle:

• I need to be :Deliciously Healthy, so I can have a baby.
• I am borderline diabetic, and refuse to ever be diabetic.
• My PCOS puts me at a higher risk of having heart disease, and of course, diabetes.
• I need to be as healthy as I can be to combat my Lupus.
• Because of my RA, I need knee replacements. Being the healthiest I can be, will no doubt help me to hold off on replacements for as long as possible, as it already has.

So, whether I am trying to lose weight or not, I need to live and eat healthy. This is my new lifestyle. I don't know why I have been forgetting that.

My new focus is on eating healthy (low glycemic diet), drinking lots of water, and exercising. To be healthy. I've been doing those things already, of course, but the focus has changed.
It is no longer on the scale. Losing weight will naturally follow my healthy lifestyle. I don't need to keep checking in on it, and risk letting frustration with the scale, drive me to donuts.

I have been doing this for about a week and a half now. I have been doing better then I have in a long time. I haven't been going on and off my diet anymore. I am finally consistent again. Living one healthy day, after the next, and loving it. I am now doing this to simply be healthy, and that stupid scale doesn't mess up my progress.

We have two scales in our house (one in each of the upstairs bathrooms). I haven't moved them, or hid them. They are both still on the bathroom floor, right next to the toilet. I walk past them everyday, and don't give them a second thought.

I can feel that I've lost weight in the past week and a half, but I don't know how much, and I like that.

With all that said, it's the perfect time for a NSV (non-scale victory), wouldn't you say?

My husband left for a couple days on a business trip, and left half a pizza sitting in our fridge. I had a decision to make:
To eat the pizza, or not to eat the pizza?
I chose not to.
And to make sure I stuck with my decision, I threw the rest of the pizza in the trash.We can do this. One healthy decision at a time.

What's been on my mind

Yesterday I pretty much spent the whole day in bed, cuddling with Moxie.I was feeling blue, and I just needed to take a time out. I've been in a little funk, and have had a bad week as far as my diet goes. My time in bed wasn't completely unproductive; I was able to figure out what's been bothering me...

I had tried to lose weight many, many times before I was finally successful. There was just never anything that REALLY motivated me enough to get the weight off. That was until I met with a fertility specialist, where she told me if I wanted to get pregnant, I HAD to lose weight.

That did the trick. I didn't want my weight and my love for fast-food to get in the way of any of my dreams, especially my dream of becoming a mother. A fire got lit under my butt, and I finally changed. I came up with my Deliciously Healthy motto and started this blog. I was so excited to lose weight, and be healthy so I could get pregnant. My desire to get pregnant helped me have the will power to turn down pizza, donuts, and everything else. I started having periods on my own, which was so exciting and comforting, as I didn't have them before due to my PCOS. Having regular periods was showing me that I was ovulating regularly, which would make getting pregnant easier. It was all due to my new healthy lifestyle. It was very rewarding, and I was optimistic that I would be a mother in no time. All this excitement made eating healthy a no brainier, and a piece of cake.

At this point, we weren't trying to get pregnant yet. I wanted to wait a few months so that I could actually lose some weight first. The excitement and anticipation of trying to get pregnant in the near future, made me work extra hard at losing weight. In July, we technically started trying, which was 6 months after I started losing weight. And that was when a whole lot of insecurity and doubt subconsciously entered my mind. We would try for 1 month, and then I would come up with some excuse to not try the next month. In the past 6 months of trying to get pregnant, I would say we've only actually tried 3 out of those 6 months. I've realized that I don't believe I'm going to get pregnant. It just seems too good to be true, and surreal. I'm scared to try to get pregnant, because I don't want to be let down. So, I've been stalling. Soon, the baby fever was becoming too much, and I decided that I was done letting fear and doubt get in our way. In the month of December, we were trying to get pregnant. My period started today, which shows me we obviously didn't get pregnant. Once again, I feel like it's just not going to happen. It's too good to be true. "I'm never going to get pregnant." If I believe it's never going to happen, then that takes away my main motivation to eat healthy and lose weight. Hence my lack of motivation these past couple days.

And that's pretty much where I sit today. My motivation is gone, because I have convinced myself that I am never going to get pregnant. Even though we have only tried for 4 months.
(Also note that I'm on my period, so I'm overly emotional about this...)

I haven't given up on my diet in any way. I've just hit a little bump. Also, we have family visiting right now, which isn't helping. My husband always wants to go to every restaurant in town when we have visitors. AND I'm on my period, so I want to eat more then usual. I've been doing my best to at least keep a balance.

It feels good to get that off my chest.
150's here I come!

I'm ready to get my butt back in the game!

For the past couple months, I've been in one funk after the other...
I've been in a funk, since getting back from California. But this funk was pretty bad. Worse then all the others. This time I was actually doubting that I could do this. I was an inch away from throwing in the towel. Scary stuff. I hadn't felt that way, since starting this journey. I think it was a combination of things, that led me to that point: For one, I got lazy. I got in the habit of just going out to eat, and skipped the whole grocery shopping/preparing meals thing. I've also gotten comfortable where I am. I'm still chunky, but I'm not 206 pounds anymore either. So what if I stay a chunky 165 my whole life? I'm the kind of person who thinks chunky women are prettier then skinny women. I even think I like the way I look right now, verses me at my goal weight. But like it says at the top of my blog, this isn't about me getting into skinny jeans
(I tried some on by the way. Still can't rock those;)
It's about becoming :Deliciously healthy!

My knees have started hurting me a lot lately, and it has reminded me that I need to continue to work on lightening their load. It's either that, or get
knee replacements. Plus, we are still trying to get pregnant, and there's a number of reasons why I need to be healthy, and eat healthy for that! One being that eating healthy gives me a period each month. It's true. When I don't eat healthy, I don't have a period. I need healthy fuel for my body, so it can combat my PCOS, and help me produce an egg each month! There's so many reasons why I need to continue this weight loss journey, that has nothing to do with looks. On top of all that, I just feel icky inside. Eating Deliciously Healthy really does make me happy. I just have to get back into the swing of things.

I'm ready to do this!!
Again ;)

California, Cheeseburgers, and our new puppy!

I thought it had just been a few days since my last post, but it's been over a week! Yikes!

My husband recently got a new job, where he's traveling a lot. Last week, he was in California. I grew up in CA, and hadn't been back in 5 years! So, I decided to take a last minute trip, and tagged along with him! It was lots of fun, and I'm very grateful I got to go!
It also meant I got to spend my hubby's birthday with him!
(b-day dinner at Rain Forest Cafe)
There was lots of food temptation in CA! I wanted to eat all the food I grew up on, like In-N-Out!And I did.
I feel like I got back handed by a cheeseburger.
Truth of the matter is, I didn't exercise moderation while I was in CA. I went a little over bored on all the good food CA has to offer. I came home a little dumbfounded. I thought I had more control then that. I thought I had learned how to have a balanced life. I guess I still have a lot to learn...
Aside from the calories, isn't this the cutest caramel apple?
I gained 6 pounds during my stay in CA. Yikes!!
But 6 pounds isn't going to get me down. I've learned a lot from this experience. Like to never let my guard down. I'm going to move on, with my head held high. It's not the end of the world, and I will reach my goal!!

Besides being on vacation, there's another little thing that's been soaking up all my time...

Meet Moxie:Our new little puppy!
We now have 3 dogs! :
Kisses, a lab mix: Thumbalina, a Carin terrier, Poodle mix: and Moxie, a Pomeranian, Yorkie mix:House training is brutal, but we love her, and all of her puppy kisses!
Aren't puppy kisses one of the sweetest things in life?

Funks, and Changes

I hate funks, don't you?
The past couple weeks, I've been lost in one.
I've been in a blogging funk, diet funk, exercise funk, emotional funk...just about every kind of funk there is.

I thought it was the stress of getting everything ready for my husband and I to go to the temple. But when that was over, the funk stuck around. Then TOM showed it's face this week, so that must be the reason for my funk.

I think sometimes you just have to fight through your funks. That's what I've been trying to do today. I already feel better, and I think this funk is going to be leaving soon :)

I want to be better.
I know that I can be doing more, in every aspect of my life. So, I have a few changes that I want to make. They deal with my blog, my healthy lifestyle, and my life:

BLOG:

*A while ago, I set Mondays and Thursdays as my blogging days. But sometimes, I want to blog on a Monday, and a Tuesday. For some reason, I told myself I could only blog on Mondays and Thursdays. Weird. So, I'm going to change that. I'm still going to blog every Monday and Thursday for sure, but if there's something I want to blog about on a Wednesday, I'm gonna blog about it! But be prepared for some fairly random posts, from yours truly ;)

*I never really explained what my cooking/baking habits were before I went on my diet.
Before switching over to my new healthy lifestyle, I never spent time in the kitchen. I had a couple dishes I could make, but other then that, we relied on the good chefs at Mc Donald's to provide our dinners. So, when I went on a diet, I had to learn how to cook and bake. There was so much I didn't know how to do, and it took trial and error to get me where I am now. But, I'm still a Deliciously Healthy cook/baker in training. There's still a lot of things I don't know how to do, and things I have never tried to do, because they intimidate me. I want to take you on a journey with me as I concur the kitchen! Every 2 weeks, I'm going to pick something new and challenging to try in the kitchen. I'm going to call it, "Brittany's Kitchen Adventures"! I'm going to do them the 2nd and last Monday of each month. I will blog about each kitchen adventure, whether it was a success or not. Some of the things may not be new, or challenging to you. They may be new to me, but easy to you. But I am starting from the bottom pretty much, and I have a lot to learn! There's bound to be some disasters, but hopefully a lot of Deliciously Healthy successes!

*Why do I weigh in on Mondays? Aren't Mondays already pretty cruddy enough? I'm going to switch my weigh in day to Thursdays for now. I do my sneak peak weigh ins on Thursdays, and for whatever reason, I like weighing in on a Thursday :)

Healthy Lifestyle:

*I think I've gotten a little too comfortable. I love my healthy lifestyle, and eating deliciously healthy, but sometimes I feel like I've made it a little too much of a lifestyle, and not a diet, where I'm trying to lose weight. I feel like it's almost more weight maintenance at this point. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that this is simply my new healthy life, and that I'm comfortable with living this new way for the rest of my life, but I am still in the, trying to lose weight part of this journey. I need to kick it up a couple notches.

*I have been having this nagging voice in my head telling me I need to eat cleaner. I've tried to ignore it, but it just seems to be getting louder... Dawne, has made me feel like this is actually something I can do. I'm going to take a shot at it. I don't think I'm ever going to be a clean eater, but I want to be a tidy eater ;) This isn't something that I'm going to dive right into. I'm going to take it one baby step at a time, and eliminate one thing out of my diet, at a time. I don't want to overwhelm myself. After all, this is a lifestyle change. I will blog about this clean eating journey as well. It will be called... Hmm, I haven't come up with a name for it yet. Any suggestions?

*I eat way too much sugar! I'm going to start keeping an eye on my sugar intake. From now on, I'm only going to allow myself one, deliciously healthy sweet treat a day.

*I have been a major slacker in the exercise department. I am going to go to the gym 3 times a week from now on. If I don't, I need you to kick my butt!!

Life:

My husband got a new job, where he is going to be traveling a lot.
Desperate housewife anyone? I'm suddenly going to have a lot of time on my hands, and I need to find things to keep me busy.

*I'm a pretty shy person. Sometimes I can fake it pretty well, but it's hard for me to talk to people I don't know very well. I'm going to force myself out of my shell, and make an effort to meet new people, and build stronger friendships.

*Charity has always been close to my heart, but sadly, I don't do much of it. I want to amerce myself in service. Because I have been given much, I to must give.

*I got a sewing machine for my b-day, and I haven't done a single thing with it! I wanted one so badly, yet it has been sitting in my basement for 3 months. I want to take a sewing class, so I can start having some fun, and work on projects!

There you have it. Funks and changes. You still awake? ;D

I'm excited to go in this new direction, and I hope you all enjoy the ride!

I Survived a CRAZY Week, and I Lost Weight!

Now how awesome is that?

Sorry I've been a little absent. I tried doing my normal Thursday post, last Thursday, but there just wasn't time.

Last week was amazing and beautiful, but very busy, with a hint of crazy.

For the past two weeks, I've been planning, and getting everything ready for my husband and I to be
sealed in the LDS Denver Temple.(Flickr)
What is getting sealed?

In my religion, we believe in being
married for time and all eternity.
We were already married, but just until "Death did us part"
Now, we are husband and wife forever!

We got sealed October 9th.
This past week was a very meaningful and memorable time in our lives. But it was also a whirlwind. There was lots to be done, plus getting ready for family to visit.

Now, it's all said and done, and it's back to normal life.

Despite the craziness of this past week, I still managed to stick with my healthy lifestyle (for the most part;) I even lost 2 pounds this week, putting me at 161!!

Am I seriously 1 pound away from being 160?
Someone pinch me. ;D

I have a lot that's been going through my mind about my diet, lifestyle, and blog. I'm going to be making a few, :Deliciously Healthy changes. I just have to figure out a few things first, now that I have time to think! I'm excited to share it with you!

But first, I've got to go catch up on all my fav blogs!

Hello Jaw Line

I haven't seen you in a while.
The other day, I got my teeth whitened (Yay!).
It took some pleading to get the husband to fork up the $ for this,
oh so important procedure. So, to show him my appreciation, I texted him this picture, saying "thank you!"

Then I posted it on Facebook.
That was when I noticed something...

I have a jaw line!!
I was more excited about that, then I was about my new pearly whites! It put a smile on my face all day!

I feel like the old me again.
The me that had a jaw line, and thought nothing of it.

When I look in the mirror now days, it's like I'm seeing an old friend. I think to myself, "Hey! There you are! I haven't seen you in forever!"
It feels good.

I will appreciate this jaw line of mine, each and every single day.
Cause I missed it. Like a lot.

A Random Post, From Yours Truly...

*This is a picture my husband quickly took of me. He called my name, and snap! The picture was taken. Back when I was 206, that kind of picture meant instant deletion. There was no time for me to try and hide my double chin, stand up straight, get my hair just right, or try to turn my head a certain way to make me look 10 pounds lighter.
That kind of photo always came out horrible, and depressing.

I love that I have gotten to the point where I feel healthy and beautiful, inside and out. I love that I hardly ever erase a picture of myself (no matter how skinny I get, there is always going to be such a thing as a bad angle, lol). I can embrace all of
life's moments, without worrying about whether or not I look fat.

*I wish I had some new recipes for you, but these past few days I've had nothing but recipe disasters!!
Total and complete, epic fails!
Don't you hate that?
This is supposed to be Chocomole. Pudding made with avocado...With cooking healthy, it's either a total hit, or a total miss!

Good thing my old favorites never let me down.
MMM!
English Muffin Pizzas

*I have been doing pretty darn good with my water intake, if I don't say so myself. My water bottle is like my purse; It goes with me everywhere.
*This morning's weigh in had me at 165
for a 0 pound loss this week.
The funny thing, is that I had felt pretty skinny these past few days.
Today I feel bloated. Hmm...
Better luck next week!

Hopefully by Thursday, I'll have some better luck in the kitchen, and I'll have some yummy recipes to share with you!

Ouch!

I had a dentist appointment today, and my mouth hurts.

I'm having cramps...hopefully TOM is coming, since it was MIA the month of July.

I have a headache.

And this mornings weigh in had me at 167 for a 0 pound loss, yet again this week. Ouch!

That's all I've got for today folks.
Sorry for the painful post ;)

A nap and some medicine will do me some good.
I'm gonna go do that right now :)

Just a Little Update!

Hey there!

I'm wanting to post at least every Monday, and Thursday... even if I don't have much to blog about.

So, here goes a slightly random post:

To start, here's a completely random photo ;D(I had given Thumbalina a mohawk...although she kinda messed it up:)

Weigh In Update:
Lately, I've only been weighing myself once a week (Monday). That way I could avoid thinking, "Hey, it's only mid way through the week, and I've lost 2 pounds! I can go out with the hubs tonight, and not worry so much about what I eat!" Now, I go through the week thinking I haven't lost anything yet, so I need to keep my butt in gear! Mentally, it has been working. The funny thing is, is that I've been telling myself throughout the week that I need to be good, because I might not have lost anything yet, only to step on the scale each week, and see that I really haven't lost anything! That seriously makes me laugh! For the past 4 weeks, I've been bouncing between 171 and 172. UHG!!

So, when TOM was finally over, I broke my rules, and weighed myself on a Wednesday. I just had to see if I had lost anything! I was happy to see 170! I finally got past 171! WooHoo! Although it's still slightly annoying that I've only lost 2 pounds in a month. Especially when it has been a good month! I've been eating good, and I've been working out at the gym, with my new gym membership! But hey, 2 pounds, is 2 pounds!

Work Out Update:
I still haven't got in the pool at the gym yet! When I go, I've been working out on the treadmill, and the elliptical. Part of it has been because I'm still nervous as all heck, but the fact that I cannot find a bathing suit, has kept me from facing that fear! Why is it so dang hard to find a modest bathing suit??! I'll find a pretty one piece, only to realize that the back goes so far down, that my crack would probably be saying hello to everyone, while I was swimming! I feel like I've gone to every store, trying on every bathing suit!

Then, while on Skinny Emmie's blog, I saw a link, to plus size swim wear! So, I clicked on over and found this bathing suit. Then I found this bathing suit on another site! I'm going to take my measurements tonight, and hopefully order one of these two.
I like the design of the first one, but I like that the 2nd one has more support for the ladies.
Any votes on which one I should get?
As soon as I get it, I'm gettin in the pool!

Yummy Update:
I've also recently discovered Chick-Fil-A!
I feel like they actually have healthy options! :
~Chargrilled Chicken Sandwich (which is REALLY good!) - 300 calories
~Chargrilled Chicken Wrap - 410 calories
~Chicken Cesar Wrap - 460 calories
~Yogurt Parfait - 230 calories. With granola - 290. With cookie crumbs - 240
Fruit Cup - 100 calories
~Ice Cream Cone - 170 calories

That means I can get a chargrilled chicken sandwich meal, with a fruit cup and water for 400 calories! And I can get dessert with that for 574 calories! OR I could skip the dessert, and get a fruit parfait with my meal for 530 calories! It's all about having options ;) Obviously it's best to stay away from fast food all together, but if I had to turn to a fast food restaurant for some reason (like meeting up with the hubs for lunch), Chick-Fil-A is a healthy option!

That's about it for me!

Hopefully by next Monday's post I'll be in the 160's!!
A girl can dream ;D

Deadlines and I, Don't get Along!

I knew I was thinking about something that was stressing me out, but I didn't know what it was. I sat down and really thought about what was on my mind. Suddenly, I got a flash of
Moose Creek.
Confused?

Every 5 years we have a family reunion. My Great Grandparent's children, and their families (on my Father's side), meet up and camp out near the ranch my Great Grandparents used to own (Moose Creek). I love going there, and I look forward to it every time!
I'm excited to see all my family (even the ones I don't really know), but I'm really excited to have my immediate family all together in one place (there's 8 of us kids, so it's rare that we're all together at the same time).

So why am I stressed out?
It's another deadline.

If you remember, the last time I had a deadline (my hubbies graduation), I sabotaged myself.

My family saw me at 120, before I got married. The next time they saw me, I was 180. And the last time they saw me in April of 2009, I was over 200 pounds:It felt horrible seeing my family, after gaining so much weight. I felt like instead of being excited to see me, and giving me a hug, they were more like, "Whoa! What. The. Heck. Happened to you?!" And that was totally understandable. I had changed dramatically. But the thought of it, still hurt.

I would of course try to lose weight, every time I was going to see my family. It would start out like this:
"Okay, I have 4 months. I can lose 40 pounds before I see them!"
I wouldn't go on a diet. It would turn into this:
"Okay, now I have 2 months. It's better then nothing. I could lose 20 maybe even 30 pounds before we leave!"
Again, I didn't go on a diet. My goals would get more and more unrealistic:
"Sigh. Alright, I have 1 month before we go. Maybe I can still lose 20 pounds?!"
Still not on a diet. It's time to take drastic measures:
"I have two weeks! I'm going to go on some crazy diet! I'm desperate! Hmm, maybe a cleansing diet! Okay, I'm not going to eat anything for 2 weeks, and I'm only going to drink lemonade!" (There's actually a diet like that!)
That would last for like, 2 hours, and I'd say this:
"I give up. I'm going fat. Hope they still love me!"

Before, every time I went on a diet, it was to meet a deadline.
This time was different. I didn't go on a diet because I was afraid of what people would think of me. I went on a diet because I wanted to be healthy. I went on a diet because I wanted to get pregnant, and have a baby. I went on a diet for me! There was no deadline in sight, and what do you know, I was finally successful! I lost weight, at a slow and steady pace, without a deadline stressing me out.

So when a "deadline" comes up, my old way of think comes out:
"Okay, I have 2 months! I can lose 20 pounds! I have to lose 20 pounds!"
My old way of thinking always led to failure. Therefore, I'm determined to fail. It's what I'm used to. I start to believe whole heartily that I can't do it!

This is the point I sabotage myself.
"I cant do it! I can't do it! I can't do it! Where's a donut?!!"
Can't beat em', join em'.

But this time is different.
I've already lost 35 pounds!
Even if I don't lose any more weight from here, I've already been more successful then I've ever been. I'm the thinnest my family has seen me since I got married! I would have killed to be 35 pounds lighter, the last time I saw my family!
(A pic from my last little photo shoot)
My solution to the deadline thing: Don't make it a deadline!
Continue what I'm doing. No pressure. Don't even think about it. If I only lose 5 pounds between now, and when we leave (2 months), then I will have lost 40 pounds! And that's awesome! Of course I want to lose more then 5 pounds in 2mo, but I'm just saying.
I know I can do this, because I am doing this!

How do you deal with deadlines? Do they help you, or harm you?

***

Yesterday's (although it's going to be like 1am by the time I post this, so it's not quite yesterday;) weigh in results had me at 172, for a 1 pound loss.

I'm frustrated with myself. I was really wanting to see 170 this week.
About half way through the week, was when I subconsciously started sabotaging myself.
Fortunately I took the time to figure it out, and hopefully everything will be better from here!

Aahhhh... A Breath Of Fresh Air!

Today was a good day.
The day wasn't wasted because I was tired and dizzy.
Today, the funk that I've been in, didn't take over.

This little funk of mine has been lingering around for a while now, and today, I felt hope that it was leaving for good!

Today was a breath of fresh air, and it felt so good!
Oh so good!

I woke up, and actually got out of my PJ's (I'm a stay at home wifey, if you didn't know:)
I showered, (AND I even shaved my legs!) and got ready.
I took the doggies out, fed them, and watered the plants.
I cleaned. I even mopped the floor!
I ran errands, and went grocery shopping. Have I ever told you how much I hate grocery shopping? If I could hire someone to do one thing for me, it would be to take care of the hole grocery shopping thing. I'd hand them my menu for the week, and the groceries would magically appear in my fridge. That my friends, would be awesome!

Our local grocery store, had a cart with avocados and bell peppers on sale. Right then and there, I decided we were having chicken fajitas for dinner!... And that I was going to make Deliciously Healthy guacamole to go with it!

What's that you say? You want in on the Deliciously Healthy Guacamole?!
Okay, I'll give it to you ;)

Here's What You Need:

1 can (15 to 19 ounces) white kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 1/2 tablespoon freshly squeezed lime
1 jalapeño chile , seeded
1/4 cup coarsely chopped sweet onion
2 cloves of garlic
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1 ripe avocado, halved and pitted
2 plum tomatoes

This is What You Do:

~In a food processor with knife blade attached, puree beans and 1 1/2 tablespoon lime juice until smooth. Empty into a medium bowl.
~Place jalapeño, garlic, onion, 1/2 teaspoon cumin, and 1/2 teaspoon salt, and pulse until juicy and thick.
~Scoop avocado from peel into bowl with beans, and mash with fork until mixture is blended, with some chunks remaining.
~Cut each tomato in half. Squeeze halves to remove seeds and juice. Coarsely chop tomatoes. Stir tomato and onion mixture into avocado mixture until blended.

Then, just spread it on something yummy... or just eat it all by itself like me! ;)

Here's What I'm Thinking:

Serving size: 1/4 cup
Calories per serving: 70

***

Monday's are already cruddy enough, I don't know why I add to it, by weighing in on that day! ;)

Today's weigh in had me at 173
That's a 0 pound loss.

Truth is, I kinda deserve it. This past week was pretty much 50% good, and 50% bad.
I'm grateful I didn't gain anything... but, it's still disappointing. I wish I could rewind this pat week (or 2), but I can't. All I can do, is do better from here.

Today was a new start. I shook the funk off, and moved forward.

Today was a breath of fresh air, and it was just what I needed!

We had rose bushes planted in our backyard recently.
I thought I picked out peach roses, but they look pink to me. Now I wonder why I would have wanted peach? Pink is my favorite color after all :)
They make me smile when I look at them...